The Diagnosis

About a year ago, my mother called to say she had something she needed to tell me. I assumed later that she chose to tell me because of the work I was doing at the time with older adults. She confided in me that my father's memory was very poor. Indeed, the night I went to see my parents, they were caring for one of my sister’s children because of a family emergency—their youngest child was ill and they needed my parents to watch the older two children. Perhaps because my father was in an unfamiliar environment, he was extremely confused. He asked repeatedly where a particular room was in the house and even, at one point, said he felt as though he were either in a different state—even a different country. He talked about dreams he had recently that were apocalyptic in nature and he talked about getting lost while driving.
My mother later explained to me that this kind of memory problem had been going on for a long time but that she was hopeful it wasn’t something really serious because he had good days quite often.
At first I was alarmed. And then embarrassed. I wondered: How could I have missed this? I thought back to the many conversations where my father had forgotten some detail—a trip he and mom and been on, a guest who had spent a day at their home, the status of one of his grandchildren who had been ill. I realized that most of these events occurred when my mom was present. She often interrupted my dad before he could say something that made the memory loss seem extreme. “Senior moments,” I thought, and chose not to concern myself too much with what was surely normal memory loss that comes with aging. But my mother couldn’t ignore the signs any longer. After all, it was getting harder and harder to explain the lapses—and there was surely some worry about his safety.
So she asked me for help.
Eventually I arranged to have my dad seen at the University of Utah's memory clinic. He saw a neurologist who took a history and then two students who had him respond to questions both simple and complex. Eventually he went through a neuropsychological evaluation that lasted four hours. I went with my mother to hear the results. The doctor was blunt. "Your husband and father's memory is in the fifth percentile. We believe these memory problems--this dementia--is due to Alzheimer's Disease."
This would be the beginning of a difficult road for my family. I hope by sharing some of my personal experiences I will encourage a discussion around this issue—especially from others with family members struggling with this disease.